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Honestly, it’s shameful that to get to the event of the season I have to rely on indications such as “follow the comet”. I get the concept and everything but this is overdoing it. Besides, I’m not alone. I have two more sponsors trailing after me. Yes, the journey is long, but they have sneaked into a spa and have not come out yet. C’mon guys, let’s do things properly, we need to customize everything from cars to camels. I’ve been waiting for this day for a whole year. And those witches now have the upper hand. Enough is enough, I’m taking the merchandising with me and I’ll sponsor the event by myself. Trust me, it’s an opportunity not to miss. Forget about marketing and brand positioning: this is the place to be.

Okay, I get it. Everyone’s got the hots for Santa. Santa here, Santa there, the sleigh, the reindeers, the presents and so on. And what about me? With a broom and a pair of old-fashioned stocking. It’s not fair. Shall we talk about the likes and the retweets I get? There’s no competition. Even kids enjoy fancy food. You’ll see all the pictures popping up during the holidays, the sharing platters, the homemade meals, panettone with custard or mascarpone by the fireplace, breakfast with a slice of pandoro with Nutella while enjoying the panorama of the mountains covered in snow. And remember: picture, filter, Instagram! Let’s not forget about the outfit: effortless cashmere, blush and glitter. And I can already hear someone from the kitchen “Stop it! Don’t touch it, I have to take a picture first.” Sharing is caring.

There’s nothing we can do about it, Santa really doesn’t get Millennials! We need to adapt to our target, an app from the store would fix all our problems. But he’s so stubborn and always goes on about how we don’t respect traditions, how we spend too much time on our phones and social media rather than working. Thankfully, we can rely on influencers for the perfect idea. It’s so stressful, besides we deal with the suppliers and work out the budget. He always gets us in early for the morning meetings and makes us work until late to sort out the paperwork. And we can’t even post anything about it. Everything is top secret, there’s no fun if we can’t show off our magic! By all means, he’s responsible for everything but gets all the credits too, and we’re the ones who actually put in the work. Don’t worry, though, everything is under control and – after all – we do have fun.

This year is another string of problems one after the other. It doesn’t matter how much time I spend on planning, anticipating the unpredictable, working out the best routes, practising the tough turns with the driving simulator, there’s always something that comes up and ruins my plans. As usual, I washed, brushed, and harnessed the reindeers but Santa had a Moscow mule too much and we’re late. We still need to load the presents on the sledge. Now, there’s also a blizzard with a far-too-important name to delay our take off. I take the time to scatter some salt, get my flask of coffee to fend off the long night, and I’m ready to go! I can feel the adrenaline rush. I’m ready for the most important job of the year. Let’s hope the elves managed to switch off the speed cameras for the night.

It’s the same story every year: I always get difficult requests and annoying complaints like “It no longer snows like it used to, it’s because of the global warming” or “these blizzards aren’t normal”. There’s no way around it.
And the minute I think I might have found the perfect solution to a problem, a client comes up with a new absurd demand that makes me want to pluck my hair one by one. After the first five minutes of annoyance, however, I roll up my sleeves and, with a great deal of patience and a pinch of magic, I go back to work and try to please everyone. It’s too tough, though. Maybe, next year I need to review the database and come up with a blacklist!